New Decades. New Ways of Thinking!
I am definitely the same person I have always been, but it is pretty awesome and interesting to notice small changes in yourself when new ‘chapters’ of life come along. Most recently for me this new chapter is entering a new decade…my 30s. Refer to previous blog post How Do You Feel About Turning 30?!
In the first month or so of my 30s I have been thinking a lot about the question…how do I/we/you get what we want? The answer seems pretty simple, you ask for it. But I have some more thoughts and pieces of advice that can hopefully support in this question and its answer. I have spent most of my life as what some would call ‘a people pleaser.’ I do not think this is a bad or good quality. I believe this quality makes me caring and considerate of others, but I am certain this quality has held me back at times from asking for what I want and not being afraid of someone’s response. This can be as simple as asking for some space or as serious as asking for a relationship I know I deserve.
I have always gone for what I wanted in my education and done well with obtaining professional and part-time jobs. One area that I am recently realizing has not always been as easy to go for what I want is my personal/romantic life.
I do not think I was even aware of this until recently, and maybe this is because I am getting older and learning more about what I want or maybe it is the confidence and experience that comes with another year of life. Either way, I am starting to understand what I want, and becoming less and less afraid to ask for it. I decided to share some tips/tricks for this question in hopes that someone reading was also traveling a similar path:
How to Get What You Want:
- Take your time in deciding what it is that you want. Society as this way of making us all feel like we are on some sort of timeline and if we do not follow this timeline and meet all the deadlines we are doomed. This is simply not true. Take your time. Live life. Gain experiences. And during this time figure out what you want: professionally, romantically, and everything in between.
- Once you decide, do not be afraid. Fear is truly the obstacle for so many while going for what we want. I have been afraid of failure and being rejected for so long. Finally, I have reached this place of happiness with myself and I am less and less afraid of being told ‘no’ or being turned down and more confident that either way I will be OKAY no matter what happens. If I do not get the job, or if I want a relationship and someone else does not, I must move on and know bigger things are coming.
- Do not be influenced by outside forces. You may ask for advice or you may not, but either way people are going to give it. I love my family and friends to the ends of the earth, but I have realized I have to decide what is best for me because only I know what that is.
- Work Hard. While knowing what you want and asking for it are critical to this process, so is hard work before and after your goal. If you are willing to put in the work and are prepared for obstacles along the way, you will definitely see results and it will be worth it.
- Never stop working on yourself. I am a huge believer in self-care and in always working on you. For me, focusing on my fitness and taking time to do the things I like have always made me better for the other areas of my life. I often think about moms when I talk about this. I am not a mom yet, but I always like to use my mom as an example. Growing up she always worked out, got her hair done, shopped for new clothes, and did things for herself. There should never be guilt with doing these things, and your kids, significant other, friends, and co workers will all thank you for these things because they will see the best version of you.
- Be Okay with Change. Along your journey priorities will change, what you want will change, and how you ‘imagined’ your life going will change. Be okay with this. Be okay with change. This takes patience and practice and for a planner like myself this requires a lot of mental reminders and moments where I have to remind myself change is good and necessary. Some people you saw every day for years will not be around as often, things you once thought to be so important will suddenly become the last thing on your mind, and stuff you cared so much about will not be as important or as big a deal anymore. All of this is okay and just part of the process. I would like to tell you to stop planning and just live, but I cannot even say I am capable of that. So keep planning, but be okay when those plans change. This is actually what makes life worth living anyway.
My only hope is that one or more of these tips can help at least one person on your journey to get what you want. I am constantly discovering new things about myself with each new year. My experiences have made me who I am and have shaped what I want out of life. I consciously remind myself to ignore arbitrary timelines and pressures put on me that have nothing to do with my unique path. I am living my truth and my life and as long as I am learning and growing as a person each day, I am happy with wherever this path takes me. I know more today, typing this blog for you, what I want than ever before, and I am not afraid to ask for it and go for it. I wish the same for you!